A Santa letter for a child who has not always been “good”

Talk about behaviour without shaming

Avoid labels such as “bad” or “naughty child”. Describe one specific skill instead: waiting for a turn, using a calmer voice or tidying up after play. Behaviour can change and does not define who the child is.

Start with a genuine strength before mentioning something to practise. This helps the child hear the message without feeling that one mistake controls their entire Christmas.

A positive example

“Dear Hugo, the elves told me this year has sometimes felt difficult and that you are still learning how to calm down when you feel angry. I also saw every time you tried again, shared your toys or said sorry. Keep going — every small step matters.”

What to avoid

Do not threaten to cancel Christmas or say Santa watches every movement. Avoid comparisons with siblings as well. Choose one simple, achievable goal and express confidence that the child can improve.

Replace judgement with one specific encouragement

Avoid labels such as “naughty” or “bad”. Describe one concrete behaviour and, more importantly, the next positive step: listening more carefully, repairing a mistake or asking for help before anger takes over. A specific suggestion is far more helpful than a threat about presents.

The letter can name a genuine strength and offer one achievable challenge. It should remain reassuring and never suggest that love, belonging or Santa’s visit depends on impossible perfection.